Finding myself. A Rambler.

I don’t know where time goes. This is the first in about 9 months I’ve been on here.
This title sums me up. I am wanting to find myself as I don’t even know myself anymore. I have these days where I ask myself over and over again what is happening and why.
I have never tried to put expectations on life but I do believe in working towards what you want in life. I think that is just happens anyway. Really, who works to achieve what they don’t want?
It is nearly two years now since I’ve been on leave from work. I still cant even believe that. In that time I see people around me get on with life, but I cant seem to be able to do it for myself. I’ve just moved house over the last month and while that has occupied my time I have found it has taken its toll too. It has been hot and draining.
I seem to get depressed more easily now, though I got to speak with a Psychiatrist today. I had hope about that meeting as it has been about two months coming. The male doctor was certainly interested in me and we have scheduled a new appointment in a months time. All I can do at this time is give him background and answer his questions.
I know this is just ramblings and nonsense. I don’t seem to be able to accomplish much more than ramblings nowadays and I feel that is all others take me for being … a rambler. Is that all I am? Maybe all the kicks to the head have dulled me into being nothing more than this. Ive only ever wanted to help others. I don’t even want recognition for what i do but when I get kicked in the face I doubt myself now. I just think I am a waste to society now.